Code Brown

Last night, we had crawled into bed just like any other night, and we fell asleep.  I was sound asleep.  Very soundly.  Maybe for the first time in several weeks.  Only to be awakened by my precious husband rolling over, gently pushing me into consciousness, and uttering:

"Poop.  All I smell is poop."

Still in a stupor, I reply, "What?"

"Don't you smell that?!  All I smell is poop!"

And then my nostrils were assaulted.

Ugh...

Justin turned on the nightstand light, and I looked at our dog, laying on the floor beside the bed, who is now trying to sink herself into the floor as though she might be able to disappear if she just gets close enough to the carpet.  Guilt was written all over her face.  I threw back the covers and rolled out of bed (because at 33 weeks pregnant, rolling is pretty much all you can do).

"Rika, get downstairs."

Instead of obeying and starting the descent down the stairs, she sank closer to the floor.

"Rika, I'm not kidding you.  Get downstairs now."

Justin then propped himself up in bed and cried out, "Just go!  Both of you."

Thanks, honey...

I grabbed Rika's collar, gently pulled her to her feet and walked her to the bedroom door.  Reluctantly, she finished the trek to the downstairs by herself.  I followed, turning on lights as I went. As I descended the stairs, the stench worsened.  I stopped at the bottom of the steps and looked around in horror.

Rika, now in her bed, looked sheepishly at me.  My shoulders slumped, I shook my head, and then headed cautiously into the kitchen--watching my every step--to get my cleaning gloves and cleaning supplies.

Poop.  Everywhere.  In every single carpeted room of the downstairs in addition to the office, the bathroom, and the dining room.  And not the kind that's "easy" to clean up.  This was the kind that just seeped into the carpet and stained everything it touched.  And the smell...  Oh, the smell!!

Forty-five minutes later, I had scrubbed all of the floors, sprayed them down with carpet cleaner (pet-strength that supposedly makes stains and odors disappear magically), and sprinkled baking soda over every single last spot she had marked in an attempt to get rid of the foul odor that consumed my downstairs.  I let Rika outside to see if there was more to the job that she had yet to finish and then gave her a healthy dose of Kaopectate before refilling her water bowl.

I checked the house one more time, just to make sure I hadn't missed any spots that might catch a bare foot unsuspecting.

All clear...  I think.

As I ascended the stairs, my only thought was, "And so it begins..."   Motherhood had greeted me, in the middle of the night with a code brown.

I rolled back into bed, now officially wide awake after spending an hour cleaning and caring for the pup, and laid there staring blankly at the ceiling.  Until I started laughing.

Justin rolled over and looked at me like I was crazy.

"What?"

"All I smell is poop," I said teasingly through my laughter.

He blinked, looked at me with his not-so-awake eyes, rolled back over, and whispered, "Well, I wasn't sure if it was just a crazy dream or reality."

Well, it was reality.

That code brown was definitely reality...